


(not) Blasters

by sugarblossom



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Gen, How Do I Tag, Why Did I Write This?, You can also probably argue otherwise, You can probably argue this is ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom
Summary: Papyrus and Giovanni getting to know each other!
Relationships: Giovanni Potage & Papyrus (Undertale)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	(not) Blasters

“HUMAN!!! HOWDY!!!” Papyrus yelled, batting away a tree branch. 

Giovanni dramatically turned around, his cape smacking him in the face. “Yes? Can I help you-” He stared at Papyrus.

Papyrus grinned, cape fluttering in the non-existent wind. “I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ENTREAT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND!”

“You’re a-”

“I WOULD GIVE YOU AWFUL PUZZLES FIRST, BUT MY BOSS UNDYNE SAID TO SKIP IT-”

Waving his hands, Giovanni cut in, “Shush for a minute, why don’t you!?” He took a sharp breath. “Okay, first of all, you’re a SKELETON. How are you alive?”

Papyrus nudged at the dirt, sliding back and forth as if it was ice. “I’M NOT A HUMAN! I’M A MONSTER! HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF THE HUMAN-MONSTER WAR?”

After sputtering for a moment, Giovanni glanced around the empty forest. “I mean, I kinda just skimmed history class, so...I’m not going to question how a walking TALKING skeleton is here- Oh man, do skeletons have birthdays?”

“I DON’T REMEMBER.” Papyrus bounced up and down, twirling in place. “DOES TODAY COUNT? DOES THAT MAKE YOU MY FRIEND?”

Giovanni laughed, shaking his head. “I’m Giovanni Potage! My RAW PRESENCE should tell you who I am, and that you shouldn’t mess with me!”

Papyrus beamed, eerily floating up and down. “IT SHOULD?” Giovanni blinked as music streamed through the forest. “YOU MUST BE FEELING OVERWHELMED! AFTER ALL, I AM VERY GREAT. I CAN HARDLY IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE FOR YOU!”

Summoning a white bone attack, Papyrus pointed it at Giovanni, who cringed. 

“Is that your bone oh EW I’m  _ sorry _ but WHY are you storing bones  _ in _ your costume!?” Giovanni yelled before saying, “Love your outfit by the way!”

“NOOO! A GENUINE COMPLIMENT!! THAT’S IT, WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDS!”

“Wait! What?”

Music blared in Giovanni’s ears.

A floating pink heart appeared in front of him.

Papyrus simply stood there.

“Why is there music? What are we doing? Why is THAT, PINK???”

The cartoonish heart shifted every time Giovanni moved. 

Bones jutted out of the forest floor, going under the heart.

Papyrus shrugged, standing still again. “ARE YOU NOT UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF SPARRING WITH ME? DON’T WORRY, I HEALED YOU SO IT’S FAIR! SO KEEP UP YOUR DETERMINATION!”

“You should be smart enough to know not to pick a fight! I’m going to CLOBBER YOU-” Giovanni took out his bat, eyes narrowed. “Wait you  _ healed _ -”

“WOWIE! I’M GOING TO BE FRIENDS WITH A BONE-A-FIDE BASEBALL PLAYER?” Papyrus’s eyes gleamed. “COME ON, YOU CAN DO BETTER! I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

A row of bones moved past the heart, toppling over as Giovanni swung his bat.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12.

“Do you know WHO I AM?” Steam surrounded Giovanni, zooming next to Papyrus and hitting him with his bat. “Teleports behind you!”

13.

Papyrus’s eyes bugged out as if he was inconvenienced. Papyrus faced Giovanni again, sweatdropping when Giovanni cringed.

“How the- Er, s-sorry, it’s just...Ewww...Were those  _ human _ eyes?”

“YOU’RE DOING GREAT!” Papyrus rattled his bones before standing still. “MY BROTHER SANS HAS A SHORTCUT LIKE THAT! TOO BAD HE’S NOT AROUND TO HELP YOU!” Giovanni stared at the pink heart turned blue. “HE KEEPS PRANKING ME ACROSS TIME AND SPACE. I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT!”

While Giovanni tried to dodge the bone attacks, Papyrus stared off into space.

“HOW IMMATURE COULD YOU GET? WHERE WOULD SANS BE WITHOUT SUCH A COOL GUY LIKE ME KEEPING HIM ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW?”

To prove he’s a Certified Bad Dude™, Giovanni chucked a ball of red liquid next to Papyrus, making it explode. 

“Haha, yeah! Evil!”

“KA-WOWIE! THAT’S USEFUL!” Papyrus cheered. “I WONDER IF I COULD INCORPORATE THAT INTO MY ATTACKS?”

“So? How’d you like the taste of my epithet?”

“...WAS I SUPPOSED TO TASTE IT?”

“Uh.”

“WAS IT A DRINK? IS THAT WHY IT EXPLODED?”

“Uh… Is soup...a drink?”

“SOUP? THAT’S SOUP-ER!”

Silence.

“I’VE SPENT TOO MUCH TIME WITH MY BROTHER TODAY. THAT WAS HORRIBLE!”

“Well, I’m going to be the baddest bad guy there ever was! Look upon me and FEAR!”

“SO YOU’RE BAD AT BEING A BAD GUY, GOT IT!” 

“WHAT! How  _ dare _ you!? Grr, what do you  _ WANT _ ?”

“NOBODY STARTS AS GREAT FRIENDS, YOU EMOTIONAL CACTUS! THAT’S THE RULE, SO WORRY NOT!!!”

Silence.

A flash of white zoomed between them.

Papyrus scowled at the Annoying Dog. “YOU PERNICIOUS PUP! WHY ARE YOU STILL BOTHERING ME?!”

Giovanni clutched his bat, staring as Papyrus chased the dog around the forest, yelling about his special attack.

His bone attacks spell out different words. They grew or shrunk in size.

Was that a bone on a  _ skateboard _ ?

“What even is your power?” Giovanni blurted. “ _ Bones _ ?”

“I HAVE NON-BONE ATTACKS! I AM A PRETTY BRUTAL KIND OF GUY, SO I DON’T USUALLY USE THEM IN SPARS LIKE THESE!” Papyrus grinned. “I STRIVE TO BE COMFORTING AND PLEASANT!”

“...So why are we fighting?”

“IT’S FUN!” Papyrus twirled a bone attack. “DO YOU...NOT WANT TO FIGHT? THAT’S FINE TOO! I DEFINITELY DON’T EVER WONDER WHAT HAVING LOTS OF FRIENDS FEELS LIKE!”

The music died down.

Before Giovanni could even respond, Papyrus turned away. “NYOO HOO HOO...DOES NO ONE WANT TO ENGAGE WITH ME AND BE MY FRIEND? IS MY FRIEND QUANTITY GOING TO REMAIN STAGNANT? I GUESS I HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS FAILURE...”

“...You really want to make friends?” Giovanni swung his bat around, furrowing his eyebrows. “I’ll...be your friend?”

He jolted when Papyrus got up in his face. “REALLY?! YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS, WITH ME??? WOWIE! PHEW, GLAD THAT WORKED OUT!”

“Oh, and I’ve got the perfect minion name for you! Grim-” Papyrus’s eyes sparkled. “...Just Reaper then.”

“OKAY COOL! HAVE A NICE DAY!” Papyrus flutter walked above Giovanni and out of sight. 

Giovanni yelled, “Wait, I’m the leader! You have to follow me!”

*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*

The hustle and bustle of the crafts store spread like ripples over a pond.

Giovanni, in casual clothing, scoffed at the cloth prices. “Dang it! Why is this stuff so expensive? I’m on a budget, you know.”

“YEAH! IT’S LUDICROUS!” Papyrus said, staring at the rack of clothing. “WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?”

“It’s YOU!”

“IT’S ME? I GUESS I AM PRETTY PRICELESS!” Giovanni dragged a hand down his face. “WOW, YOU REALLY CAN’T ESCAPE FRIENDSHIP!! WE’RE TWO BONES IN THE SKELETAL ANATOMY OF FATE!!! AND YOUR NAIL POLISH LOOKS GREAT! TOO BAD I KNOW NAIL POLISH LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND! WHICH, SINCE I’M ALWAYS WEARING GLOVES… I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT!!!”

“Ah. Thanks...Papyrus, was it?”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS, YES!” 

Giovanni shushed Papyrus. “I don’t know if you realize, but we’re in a  _ store  _ right now.”

“I ALWAYS GO UNNOTICED, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT!”

“Hmmm...okay!” Giovanni ran a hand over some yellow cloth, uncovering a little familiar white dog. “Did you make your costume like I made mine?”

“YEAH!” Papyrus absentmindedly twirled. “I MADE THIS MYSELF! WELL, WITH MY BROTHER SANS’S HELP, BUT I PREFER NOT TO DISCUSS HIS PART OF IT. HE JUST STOOD THERE TO MODEL! AND OF COURSE I’M THE MORE ARTISTIC ONE OF THE TWO…”

Giovanni watched as Papyrus ambled over to the art supplies, monologuing about every action. 

“Wow.  _ Look at me, look at me~ _ ” Giovanni mocked, watching the Annoying Dog scamper out of the store. “Jerk.”

“hey pal, sarcasm isn’t funny, okay?” Giovanni stared into black eye sockets. “my bro is still feeling pretty down, so watch your step.”

“Uhhhhhhhhh…”

Papyrus perked up. “SUP, LAZYBONES!”

“sup, human hunting fanatic.” 

“HUMAN, THIS IS MY BROTHER SANS!” Papyrus introduced.

“have you been drawing a blank over there?” Sans asked, tilting his head towards the canvases on sale.

Papyrus groaned. “SANS!!!”

“you’re smiling.”

“I AM AND I HATE IT. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAID  _ THAT _ ONE BY NOW?!”

“ya know me, too lazy to change.”

“WHAT A PITY.”

While Giovanni walked off, accidentally bumping into some people and apologizing to them, the two brothers continued.

“STOP BOONDOGGLING AND GO DO YOUR JOB(S)!!!”

Sans only shrugged. “maybe.”

“SANS!”

“eh. ketchup with you later.”

“OH MY GOD SANS WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Without answering, Sans disappeared.

“Oh geez,” Giovanni murmured, walking back next to Papyrus. “We’re leaving, let’s go. Act natural.”

“I AM FEELING VERY NOT SUSPICIOUS TODAY!”

“OK sure whatever you say,” Giovanni said, dragging Papyrus out of the store. “...Your brother. Does he want to kill me?”

“THAT’S JUST THE WAY HE FUNCTIONS. THE ENTIRETY OF SNOWDIN LOVES HIM!”

“So he’s...overprotective of you but a good brother. Or he doesn’t care enough but lets you do your thing.”

Papyrus shrugged. “BOTH! BUT I’M DEFINITELY MORE MATURE WHEN IT COMES TO LIFESTYLES, HE’S SO IRRESPONSIBLE! SERIOUSLY, A SOCK COLLECTION, HOW SADDENING IS THAT? IF I DON’T NAG HIM, HE’S GONNA SLEEP FOR THREE YEARS LIKE A SNAIL! TORIEL TOLD ME THAT ONE.”

A myriad of emotions flickered across Papyrus’s face.

“ Are you proud of him?”

“THAT SOUNDS MESSED UP. AM I ALLOWED TO BE PROUD???” Pause. “I WOULD NEVER ADMIT THAT WHILE HE’S AROUND!”

“Hm. But you are proud-”

“DON’T TELL HIM. SANS NEVER TELLS ANYONE ANYTHING, BUT I DO KNOW HE’S GETTING BETTER LATELY, EVEN IF HE’S ALSO MORE PROTECTIVE. BEING ON THE SURFACE DOES THAT YOU.” Papyrus stared at the dandelions growing through the concrete, giving them a little wave. “AT LEAST I KNOW HE TOLERATES ME, EVEN IF OUR RELATION ISN’T PERFECT!”

“I...see.”

“IT STILL FEELS LIKE A DREAM. I’M NOT GIVING UP ON MAKING FRIENDS THOUGH! I’LL BE POPULAR AND MAKE EVERYONE NOTICE ME ONE DAY!” Papyrus grinned. “SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW?”

“Probably the clothing store for some yarn...”

“DO YOU KNIT?”

Giovanni twirled one of his knitting needles. “So what? You wanna fight about it!?”

Papyrus summoned a bone, easily snapping it in half. He grinned, sharpening them into knitting needles. “LOOK! KABONE SKEWERS!” 

“Please put your bones away.”

“OKAY! WHERE DO I GO?” Before Giovanni could respond, Papyrus stared into a clothing store. “THEY HAVE PRETTY DRESSES WITH FLOWERS! OH LOOK AT THOSE SPIKE STUDDED JACKETS! DO YOU THINK THEY GLOW IN THE DARK?”

“Oh my god. They’re obviously not stylish  _ enough _ ! We’re finding you a new style.”

*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*

“SO THAT’S LIKE UNDYNE AND ALPHYS! THAT’S COOL!”

Giovanni watched the trees zoom by, humming thoughtfully. “Thanks for this, by the way.”

“NYEH HEH HEH! ANYTHING TO HELP!”

“You’re a ride or die sort of guy, huh?”

“WOWIE, YOU ENRICH MY LIFE WITH CAR-BASED PUNS.” Papyrus glanced behind him at Giovanni, who stared back.

“You have pupils!? Since WHEN?”

Papyrus scanned the road. “I DON’T USUALLY HAVE THEM. IT SCARES PEOPLE. BUT MY VISION’S TOO BLURRY THAT WAY. AMONG OTHER THINGS I HATE ABOUT HOTLAND, THAT GARBAGE OF A PLACE...I DON’T USUALLY DRIVE THIS CAREFULLY EITHER...NO WAIT THAT’S WRONG! THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN DRIVE DANGEROUSLY IF HE CHOOSES SO!”

“...But?”

“MAYBE NEXT TIME IF WE’RE IN A HURRY!”

“I’m...perplexed.”

“WHAT’S PERPLEXED?”

Giovanni grinned. “Oh you know, bewildered, dumbfounded, don’t tell me you don’t know~!”

“NOPE, I AM TOTALLY CONFOUNDED! WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN?”

“You’re such a smart cookie, and you don't know what perplexed is?”

“THANK YOU!”

“You’re welcome!”

Wind in his hair, sun on his skin.

“I wonder if Car Crash is alright.”

“ONE OF YOUR MINIONS?”

“Yeah, l ast time, he lived up to his name in the  _ ten _ minutes I was gone! The fifth time this year! I worry about him. Where would he be without his BRILLIANT LEADER?” Pause. “Am I still their leader? Aw, man...They’ve all worked so hard too! Are they being treated well?”

Papyrus stayed silent, nodding for Giovanni to continue.

“Y’know, I can’t just leave them behind. I’m not going to be the biggest villain of all time without them!”

“REALLY?”

“Hey. They tried THEIR BEST,” Giovanni said with a sniffle. “Don’t you  _ dare _ insult them. I’ll  _ fight _ anyone if it means protecting my minions!”

“HMMM...PROTECT ALL OF YOUR MINIONS? DO I COUNT?”

“You can obviously fight for yourself, but I’d still do it for you! I’d do anything for all of my boys! Pbbfft, Banzai Blasters! Who needs ‘em!?”

“YEAH, EVERYONE CAN BE GOOD FRIENDS AND GET ALONG! I’LL BE YOUR TUTOR!” Giovanni doesn’t respond. “ONLY KIDDING! YOU HAVE BEEN HAD! ANYWAYS, DO YOU WANT TO GET REVENGE ON THE HIGHER-UPS?”

“What? No, they’re scary,” Giovanni nervously laughed. 

“YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN?”

“No! They were MEAN!!!”

“...ALRIGHT!”

Giovanni propped his head up on the edge of the car door. “I also worry about you.” Papyrus’s grin faltered for a moment, but Giovanni didn’t see. “You mentioned Undyne wanting your race car bed, right? When’s the last time you slept? You know, ‘cruise while you snooze’? Should you even be driving?”

“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR SLEEP!! I’M NOT NAPPING MYSELF INTO AN EARLY GRAVE LIKE SANS!”

“I thought you said you were the more mature one when it comes to lifestyles. Do you know what a vacation is?”

“I WOULD NEVER TAKE A VACATION FOR ANY REASON. IT WOULDN’T BE ENJOYABLE!” Papyrus patted the car door. “I’LL PROTECT YOU IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT?”

“I said I’ll fight anyone to protect you guys. That includes you.”

They both fell into an awkward silence.

“PRAY YOU DON’T SEE MY SPECIAL ATTACK IN ACTION THEN.”

“...Why?”

“BECAUSE THAT MEDDLING CANINE ALWAYS STEALS IT-!” 

The Annoying Dog woofed, fur swishing in the wind.

They both screamed.

*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*

“ARE WE COMMITTING ANY OTHER CRIMES?”

“This isn’t illegal, it’s my house! Well, it’d be cooler if it was.” Giovanni leaped onto a nearby tree branch. 

While Papyrus walked back and forth on the front carpet to wipe his feet, Giovanni inched closer to his room window. 

Papyrus screeched at a bird, whisper yelling about hot dog stands as Giovanni managed to tumble into his room. 

“Ok ok. We gotta get outta here, stat.” Giovanni grabbed a yarn ball from his table, jolting when Papyrus fluttered next to him.

“WHOA, COOL ROOM!” Papyrus floated up and down, staring at the lava lamp. “AND LOOK AT THOSE TROPHIES! I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU PLAY SOMETIMES! YOU’RE GOING TO DO GREAT WITH MY CHEERING!” 

“ Okay, first of all, thank you, I worked really hard to get those and I’m really glad you admire them. SECOND!!!  _ Shut up _ . Don’t let my mom hear you!”

“YOU MEAN SHE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT YOUR ‘CRIME THINGS’?”

“I shouldn’t  _ be _ here! The cops know my name!”

“WOWIE, SAME!” Papyrus absentmindedly organized some spare buttons on Giovanni’s table before looking over Giovanni’s posters. “THAT ONE REMINDS ME OF MY SKELETON FLAG! IT CAME FROM THIS WORLD, ACTUALLY.”

“Do you know humans have bones?”

“HUMANS...DESCENDED FROM SKELETONS!! SHOULD I UNVEIL YOUR SKELETON?”

“DO NOT.”

“NYEH HEH HEH! HIKING’S GOOD FOR YOUR BONES. WE SHOULD VISIT MY HOUSE SOMETIMES!”

“...Yeah.”

The race car bed, engulfed in hot rod flames, creaked.

Giovanni and Papyrus both stared at it. 

The Annoying Dog gnawed on one of Papyrus’s spare bones, staring up at them.

The dog darted out of the window. 

Papyrus dove after the dog.

Sighing, Giovanni followed them, his backpack filled with extra supplies. 

“So…” Giovanni started, landing next to them.

“YOU LIKE ANIME?” Papyrus asked, wrestling with the little white dog and groaning when the dog fled. “ISN’T THAT A KIND OF CARTOON FOR SMALL CHILDREN?”

“Of all the things you focus on- HM. You wanna  _ fight _ ?” Giovanni twirled his baseball bat. “I’m gonna  _ win _ with my soul slugger doom bat of maximum destruction.”

“WAIT, OF WHAT? DECIMATION? IS IT A BOMB TOO?”

“You’re lucky I’m such an accepting guy.” Giovanni side-eyed Papyrus. “‘For small children’ yeah as if your battle body doesn’t resemble anime?”

“NOPE OF COURSE NOT! YOU AND THE GAL PALS CAN STAY INSIDE AND WATCH ANIME LIKE LOSERS. A CELEBRATION!!! TO BEING LOSERS!!”

“What a loser~”

“WHY WOULD YOU BERATE YOURSELF SO LOUDLY??? TOO OVERWHELMED BY MY COOL VIBES? WELL I’M HERE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!”

“...OH, why don’t you go back to the store for a new action figure toy~? Or better yet, let Santa bring you one if you’re a good boy! Hah, nailed it.”

“WOWIE, NEATO!”

“...You do know I’m joking, right? Wait, do you even know-”

“OF COURSE! I’M ALWAYS A GOOD BOY! IT’S WHY I’M SO GREAT!” Papyrus boasted, opening the car door for Giovanni. “BUT YOU’RE RIGHT! YOU CAN WIN!! JUST DO WHAT I WOULD DO...BELIEVE IN YOU!!!”

“And stay persistent?” 

“THAT WON’T WORK ON ME! I AM THE PERSISTENTEST! AND IF YOU THINK YOU ARE PERSISTENESTER... THAT IS WRONG! GRAMMATICALLY WRONG! BECAUSE THE CORRECT FORM WOULD BE... NOT AS PERSISTENTEST AS PAPYRUS, THE PERSISTENTESTEST!”

“Yeah those are...words. If your plan was to distract me, you sure succeeded.”

“NYEH HEH HEH!!!”

*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*

The crunch of boots in snow echoed through the underground. 

Giovanni yawned, rubbing his arms. “Did we have to come here so early?”

“OF COURSE! STOP SHAMBLING AND WALK PROPERLY!”

“ You’re like my mom,” Giovanni murmured.

“AM I A GOOD MOM?” 

Giovanni groaned.

“COME ON, GET THOSE BONES SHAKIN’!!! WE NEED TO GET HOOTING ABOUT HOW GREAT WE ARE!!!”

“Ok,  _ how _ are you not cold?”

“I HAVE NO SKIN!”

“Aw, dangit.” Giovanni stopped. “What is that?”

“IT’S MY SENTRY STATION! WELL-CRAFTED, DON’T YOU THINK?” Papyrus said. “AREN’T I AN ESTEEMED ARCHITECT?”

“...Considering it’s still holding up, I guess so!”

“SANS HELPED ME FIND THE CARDBOARD BOX! COULD YOU IMAGINE?”

“I know you’re an artistic dude. You could have put more effort into-”

“I USED ROTINI TO HOLD IT TOGETHER! MY WHOLE STATION IS MADE OUT OF CARDBOARDHYDRATES!”

Giovanni stared at Papyrus. “It’s for a  _ pun _ ??”

“BESIDES, I DON’T SEE THE POINT IN FIXING IT.”

“What-”

“IT WORKS, THAT’S ENOUGH! MOVING ON! YOU’LL FIND THAT PUZZLE QUITE SHOCKING!!! PREPARE YOURSELF!! FOR HIGH HINKS! FOR LOW JINKS! DANGERS! PUZZLES! CAPERS! JAPERS!”

Giovanni followed Papyrus across the rooms. “Ooooh, I love that!”

“SOMETIMES, I’M A GENIUS. ALL THE TIME.”

Amused, Giovanni raised an eyebrow when Papyrus turned to face him.

“INCREDIBLE!! YOU SLIPPERY SNAIL! YOU SOLVED IT SO EASILY...TOO EASILY!”

“Wait,  _ that _ was the puzzle?  You literally gave me a walkthrough- God, did you do that on purpose?” Giovanni rolled his eyes. “All in a day’s work!”

Papyrus audibly winked. “OH HO! THAT SURE WAS FUN!”

Kicking a lump of snow, Giovanni said, “Come on, gimme somethin’ harder than  _ that _ !”

By the time Giovanni looked up, Papyrus was zooming across the rooms. Giovanni chased after him.

After solving the first and second XOXO puzzles, Giovanni dramatically faced Papyrus with a grin. “How was that?”

“YOU FIGURED IT OUT SO EASILY! WOWIE, AND YOU DID IT ALL WITHOUT MY HELP...INCREDIBLE! I’M IMPRESSED!! THAT WAS VERY PAPYRUS OF YOU!”

They shared a laugh.

“TOO BAD YOU COULD HAVE JUST USED THAT SWITCH TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE!”

Giovanni jabbed Papyrus’s side. “I’m not that lazy~”

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”

“Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you used someone else’s puzzle or, gasp! Not solving a puzzle!”

“OH COME ON! I DIDN’T SORT OF MEMORIZE THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR NOTHING!”

As Papyrus talked about Alphys and Mettaton, Giovanni followed the path downwards. 

“Did you make that?” 

“THAT’S STILL HERE?”

“Did you tear your cape to give it a scarf?” Giovanni asked, walking around the snow-papyrus.

“YEAH, I WAS BORED. SANS...DID HIS THING. IT'S ONE OF HIS BETTER LUMPS, ACTUALLY!”

“It would be a shame if someone...destroyed it.” Giovanni tried and failed to balance his bat in one hand.

Papyrus only jumped ahead. 

Literally.

“Wow, what’s the solution to this one?” Giovanni yelled.

“BE VERY TALL AND HANDSOME! YOU CAN PASS THIS PUZZLE JUST FINE!”

Giovanni rolled his eyes, catching up to Papyrus, who was staring over the bridge propped against the rope. 

“Is this bridge safe?” 

“YEAH! IT LOOKS DANGEROUS, BUT IT'S VERY STABLE. IT’S JUST A ROCK FORMATION I PAINTED OVER. I ADDED THE ROPE, TOO!”

“Nice, safety’s important.”

“SAFETY?” Papyrus laughed. “THIS IS THE FINAL AND MOST DANGEROUS CHALLENGE! THE GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR!”

“Mhm,” Giovanni droned, scanning over the forest below. “Did you use it?”

“IT’S TOO DIRECT AND UNFAIR! I AM A SKELETON WITH HIGH STANDARDS!!! ALMOST MORE THAN HUMAN FRISK!”

“I thought you said Frisk didn’t have standards before.”

“...SO I SAVED IT FOR UNDYNE. FLAMES, VIOLENCE. IT’S RIGHT UP HER ALLEY!”

“Oh god, how dangerous is it?”

“THERE WERE SPEARS, A FLAMETHROWER, A CANON, A SPIKEY METAL BALL OF DEATH. ER, AND THAT ANNOYING DOG ON A ROPE. THE LAST ONE TOOK THE MOST AMOUNT OF TIME TO RECALIBRATE.”

“No doubt,” Giovanni said, amused. 

“THAT DOG GOES TOGETHER WITH CHAOS LIKE PASTA AND BURNING!” Papyrus tsked, waving a hand towards the town up ahead. “BEHOLD! SNOWDIN, HOME OF PAPYRUS!”

“...Burning...pasta?”

“UNDYNE TAUGHT ME HOW TO COOK PASTA!”

Giovanni facepalmed. “Oh  _ no _ . Do you bond over all of  _ those  _ puzzles too?”

“SHE HATES THOSE, ACTUALLY. UNDYNE’S STILL A GREAT FRIEND! SHE PROBABLY THINKS WE’RE FRIENDS TOO!” Giovanni stared at Papyrus. “SHE LOVES GROSSING ME OUT AND DRIVING ME CRAZY WHEN COMING UP WITH PUZZLE IDEAS THOUGH.”

“Like how you gross me out with your eyes?”

Papyrus grinned. “WHOOPSIE-DOOPSIE!!” His head detached, startling Giovanni wide awake. “ALAS, POOR PAPYRUS!”

“Uhhhhh…”

Bouncing ahead, Papyrus held his skull higher to look over the isolated town. “THAT’S THE STORE! AND THAT’S THE INN! THE LADY WHO RUNS IT IS REALLY NICE. SHE ALWAYS GIVES ME A LOLLIPOP AND A PAT ON THE HEAD LIKE THIS-” Papyrus patted his own skull before popping it back onto his body. “DID YOU HEAR ME?”

“...I heard ‘lollipop’ somewhere. So uh...you were a kid back then, got it.”

“...”

“...Speaking of which,” Giovanni started, glancing around the town. “Are you sure all of these puzzles are safe for kids?”

“YOU WANT TO UNMANDATE IT SAFER? WHY? SPIKES. DANGER BRIDGES. THE PILLARS OF YOUTH! IT’S THE LOVING TRADITION TO SUFFER THROUGH HORRIBLE PUZZLES! PARTIES ARE POINTLESS WITHOUT TRAPS AND FIRE! BESIDES, YOU KNOW I WOULD NEVER KILL A KID.”

“Hmmm…” Giovanni stared up at Grillby’s. “‘Milk is full of strong bones.’ This is the place, right?”

“YEAH! GOOD HEAVENS YOU WEREN’T AROUND TO EXPERIENCE WHAT I DID!!! PURGATORY OF FRIES...HAMBURGER ABYSS...”

“Poetic. Not surprisingly.”

“BUT HEY, SANS AND UNDYNE BOTH LIKE IT HERE. MY BROTHER PRACTICALLY SPENT HIS LIFE HERE, SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO LIKE HIM...WHO CRACK JOKES WITH HIM...WHO HAVE NICKNAMES FOR HIM...AND UNDYNE LIKES GREASE, SO I GUESS I DO...TOO?”

They both cringed.

“When was the last time you guys had an honest conversation together?”

“SANS DOESN’T TELL ME ANYTHING, AND I’M NOT RISKING UNDYNE’S FRIENDSHIP!”

“ _ Dude _ .”

“I’M HAPPY FOR THEM, REALLY! I’M THE FORGETTABLE ONE, AFTER ALL! I JUST HAVE TO WORK HARDER! POWERFUL! POPULAR! PRESTIGIOUS!!! THAT’S PAPYRUS!”

Giovanni’s eyes widened in familiarity. 

Papyrus gave him a comforting nudge.

“It’s not fair. Others shouldn’t expect you to act differently than who you are! You’re just as important as everyone else is!”

“WELL YEAH, I’M THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

“How much of that do you believe?”

“WOWIE, ARE YOU A NICE PERSON?”

“WHAT?! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” Papyrus moved on, entertained. “N- NUH UH. UH… Don’t tell the others, okay?”

“ME IN THE CLOSET, GOT IT!!!”

As they made their way across town, Giovanni spoke, “ I’m sure more people notice you than you think.”

“I WOULDN’T KNOW! MAYBE IF I MET DEATH...”

“Oooookay there! That’s...concerning.”

“OH THE LIBRARBY!” Papyrus said, ignoring Giovanni’s stare. “I REMEMBER WHEN I SNAGGED A HANGOUT GUIDEBOOK FROM HERE! YOU CAN’T SPELL ‘PREPARED’ WITHOUT SEVERAL LETTERS FROM MY NAME AFTER ALL!!!”

“You  _ swiped _ that book??? Wait a minute, do you have a library card?”

“WHAT’S A LIBRARY CARD?”

“Oh. My god. And you were  _ that _ unused to ‘hangouts’ that you needed a GUIDEBOOK?”

Silence.

“THEY WERE VERY AFFECTIONATE AND OBSESSED THOUGH! THEY WORE CLOTHING!”

Giovanni sweatdropped. “I think we can stop there. Oh geez, and I thought I was bad at-”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER FAILS AT ANYTHING!!! I KEPT BEING THEIR COOL FRIEND! KIND OF LIKE YOU!”

Giovanni brushed Papyrus’s statement off. “What if they were lying? What if they were tricking you?”

“I STILL WOULDN’T WANT TO HURT THEIR FEELINGS! SEE, UNDYNE’S OPINIONS OF HUMANS WAS VERY...MURDERY, SO I HAD TO MAKE EVERYONE FRIENDS! HOW COULD I DO THAT OTHERWISE?”

Giovanni threw his hands up. “What if they’re  _ dangerous _ ? What if you were murdered?”

“OH NO! ANYWAYS-”

“Papyrus!”

“WHAT? THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN DEATH. EVEN IF I DIED, I AT LEAST MADE AN EFFORT TO HELP! THAT’S ALL I COULD HOPE FOR!” With a cheerful grin, Papyrus twirled around. “I TOLD YOU ALREADY. I WOULD NEVER KILL, EVEN IF I COULD!”

“...You would spare a murderer? You expect a  _ criminal  _ to change?”

“THEY MIGHT JUST BE FEELING LOST IN LIFE! THEY DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE TO DO THE RIGHT THING!” Papyrus stared at Giovanni. 

Giovanni took a sharp breath. “If they still don’t change? If they want to kill you in one hit? If they want to kill  _ everyone _ ?”

“YEAH THAT WAS A POSSIBILITY.”

“POSSIBI- If they turn  _ all  _ of your friends into ahem, ghosts? You’ve thought of that, right?”

“‘FRIENDS’ HUH?”

“You know what I meant!”

Papyrus shrugged. “YEAH, THEY MIGHT DO BAD THINGS. THEIR LIFE MIGHT GO DOWN A DANGEROUS PATH. BUT I’LL STILL OFFER THEM MERCY! EVERYONE CAN BE A GREAT PERSON IF THEY TRY! AND ME, I HARDLY HAVE TO TRY AT ALL!!!”

“...You don’t value yourself enough.”

“I VALUE MY VALUES MORE! ALSO, WELCOME TO MY HOUSE! MY ROOM IS LEFT UPWARDS. LUPWARDS. IF YOU WANNA CHECK IT OUT! MY RACE CAR BED IS KINDA LIKE YOURS!”

“Is that why you don’t sleep?”

Pause.

“HOW ABSURD! NOPE, I’M USUALLY TOO BUSY TO SLEEP! TOO MUCH WORK TO DO! EVEN IF MOST OF IT ISN’T MEANINGFUL! HOW ABOUT A TOUR OF MY FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?”

“......Fine. But you’re definitely going to sleep one of these days under my watch.”

*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*

_ PLEASE ASK BEFORE YOU GO OUT!!!  _

_ WHEN YOU WENT MISSING I GOT WORRIED SICK!!!  _

_ (BY THE BY, KEEP A FEW UMBRELLAS IN YOUR POCKET IN CASE THERE’S AN INCOMING FRONT OF SHUT UP, FORECASTED BY UNDYNE.) _

_ \- SLIGHTLY BONETROUSLED,  _

_ PAPYRUS _

Giovanni poked his head into the house, watching Papyrus stare at a pot of water, humming to himself. 

“Uh-”

“ DON'T LET A BODY OF WATER DETERMINE YOUR SELF-WORTH- WHAT?” Papyrus blurted. “OH, YOU’RE IN MY HOUSE! GOOD CHOICE!”

The house was silent.

Totally silent.

“Why do I feel like there’s supposed to be music-”

“WE’RE NOT IN A GAME, DORK! BUT IF YOU WANT MUSIC…” 

Giovanni sweatdropped as Papyrus filled in the silence. 

“LISTEN TO THOSE DULCET TONES! I STILL NEED TO GET A THEME SONG...”

“This isn’t?”

“BONETROUSLE IS MY BATTLE MUSIC! ER, ENCOUNTER MUSIC! A SERENADE FOR MYSELF! DON’T YOU DO THE SAME?”

“But-” Giovanni glanced at his phone. “Why ‘Bonetrousle’?”

“IT’S UPBEAT!”

“Why does it have to be- No it’s not, what? If anything, bonetrousle means-”

“OF COURSE IT IS! BECAUSE I’M SO GREAT!”

Giovanni fell silent, glancing around the house.

Organized advanced puzzle books lied around the room.

“Peek-A-Boo With Fluffy Bunny” was neatly propped on the table.

An explosion sounded.

Giovanni stepped next to Papyrus, staring at the dented pot.

“BEING READY EARLY I SEE! IT SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU CARE!! ARE YOU HUNGRY?”

“I can make soup myself, thank you very much.”

“WELL PAPYRUS IS HUNGRY, TOO! HUNGRY FOR JUSTICE! COOKING SPAGHETTI JUSTICE!” Papyrus casually jumped into the air to use the sink, yelling from above, “TOO BAD I DON’T MAKE LASAGNA ANYMORE. THAT GLUTTONOUS DOG ALWAYS EATS IT FIRST! FIRST MY BONES, AND NOW THIS…”

Speak of the devil and he will come.

The Annoying Dog stumbled out of Papyrus’s sink, a golden gift-wrapped bone in their mouth.

“What the-”

“CURSES!” Papyrus dove down, lifting the dog into the air. “YOU LOATHSOME SCOUNDREL, WHY DO YOU LIKE TO BOTHER  _ ME _ SO MUCH?! IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS THAT INTERESTING TO YOU? AT LEAST GREATERDOG IS ONLY A KLEPTOMANIAC FOR AFFECTION!”

Giovanni snickered. “Looks like this doggie really likes you!”

“THIS  _ DOGGIE _ SOMETIMES CRAWLS INTO MY BED WHILE I’M RESTING. IF THAT WASN’T BAD ENOUGH-” Papyrus stares at the dog- “YOU HAVE VERY COLD FEET!”

“Wow, I thought you had no skin?”

“GLAD, I DON’T LIVE IN HOTLAND.”

“And you just said you rest-”

“ _ AND _ FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID.” Papyrus patted the Annoying Dog. “YOU COULD BE UP ON THE SURFACE, BUT NOPE! YOU FOLLOW ME HERE! WHY?”

Giovanni reached forward and booped the dog’s nose. The dog swatted at him before zooming out of the house, still carrying the bone.

“Is that a whole  _ orange _ in there?”

“IT SMELLS DELICIOUS! DON’T WORRY, I SMASHED THEM UP FIRST!”

While Papyrus info dumped about different types of pasta, Giovanni gathered a ball of soup. “Remember that conversation we had about mushrooms? Are you going to add any? You’re home  _ this time _ after all.”

“OH, WHEN YOU MADE TOMATO BASIL SOUP WHILE CALLING ME? I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY FOR THOSE THINGS.” Papyrus paused for a moment, sweating. “YEAH SURE! MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS WILL ALWAYS TRY OUT NEW INGREDIENTS!”

Giovanni’s eye twitched.

Papyrus zoomed out of the house, zooming back in with some mushroom lanterns.

“I...will never understand you.” Giovanni poked at one of the lanterns.

“PLEASE. PERUSE MY FANCY SCHMANCY ART. ARE YOU ENTICED?!”

Giovanni licked a finger, face scrunching up. “...This  _ looks _ good. It doesn’t exactly taste good.”

“YOUR HONESTY! IT SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU REALLY CARE!!!”

“You’re serious?” Giovanni blinked. 

“OF COURSE!”

“Ah. Here, your turn!”

“OH I NEVER EAT SPAGHETTI! I JUST MAKE IT BECAUSE EVERYONE SAYS IT’S GOOD!”

“Dbdhfdwhaaat!?”

“YEAH, UNDYNE WILL BE PROUD I PUT SO MUCH PASSION INTO THIS ONE!!”

“Oh yes, Undyne, of course.” Papyrus’s grin faltered for a moment. “And you’re the one saying ‘live for your own sake’ huh.”

“THIS IS MY EMPTINESS, NOT YOURS!”

The music around the house slowed down.

“But you’re not going to talk to anyone about any of it,  _ huh _ .” Papyrus stayed silent, staring intensely at his spaghetti. “Papyrus, take care of yourself a little  _ better _ -”

The music stopped.

“Is that a real-ass floating skull- Oh my god that is SO COOL!” 

Papyrus froze.

The Gaster Blaster glowed, charging up an attack.

Giovanni’s soul appeared, immediately turning blue and being slammed against the wall. 

“Less cool!” Giovanni yelped, staring at the Gaster Blaster.

Papyrus gritted his teeth, forcing the attack to stop mid-charge, causing it to dissipate. “THIS IS WHY I PREFER OUTDOOR BATTLES.”

Giovanni dropped to the floor, eyes gleaming.

“That was rad! How much  _ control  _ do you have over your powers?”

“ARE YOU HURT?” Giovanni shook his head, creasing his eyebrows when Papyrus sighed. “SORRY. ALL THE MORE REASON TO BE BETTER, RIGHT?”

Giovanni waved a hand in front of Papyrus’s face.

“A FEW SENTENCES TO STAND AROUND AND REPEAT!”

“I’m sorry?”

“THIS IS PAPYRUS'S HOTFUL HELPLINE!”

“Can you talk to me-”

“YES! ABOUT WHAT?” Papyrus asked. “PUNS? PASTA? PUZZLES? PUPULARITY? POLITICS?”

“Papyrus.”

“PAPYRUS IS FINE!” Papyrus cheered. “I’M USED TO HAVING NO REDEEMING QUALITIES!”

“You stop that. Don’t talk about my friend that way, you know that’s not true.” Giovanni awkwardly said, “Let’s maybe raise our standards a little-”

“ALL I’VE EVER WANTED WAS TO MAKE FRIENDS, IS THAT SO HARD?”

Giovanni side-hugged Papyrus. “You deserve a happier ending too.”

Fidgeting with his gloves, Papyrus whispered, “AM I WARM AND CUDDLY?”

“Very soft, and full of calcium,” Giovanni answered on instinct. “See, I like you for who you are. You are great. You aren’t great because I said so. You just are.”

“I’M FLATTERED YOU CARE SO MUCH. I’M GLAD WE’RE FRIENDS.”

Giovanni smirked. “You have so many pasta-bilities ahead of you!”

Papyrus groaned. “GET BETTER PUNS!!! I’VE HEARD THAT ONE TOO MANY TIMES!!”

“Of course! You’re the Great Papyrus after all!”

“...I DO STRIVE TO BE GREAT! I SEE THE GOOD IN EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, EVEN AND ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE BAD THINGS! I’M GOING TO KEEP LOVING MYSELF THE WAY I LOVE OTHERS!”

“Yeah! That’s more like it!”

“YEAH! NYEH HEH HEH! I BELIEVE IN MYSELF!” Papyrus cackled. “THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER!”

The Annoying Dog scampered back into the house, circling around Papyrus, tail wagging.

Papyrus glared at the dog before sighing, picking them up. “LABRADOR...Y.”

“I thought you disliked puns~” Giovanni stared at Papyrus’s spaghetti. 

“SANS LOVES SCIENCE AND OUTER SPACEY SCI-FI STUFF!” Papyrus diverted.

“...What about you then?”

“HUH?”

“Puzzles to capture a human among other things from Alphys.” If Papyrus had eyebrowed, he would have furrowed them. “Spaghetti and your outfit to impress Undyne.” Papyrus glanced off, squinting in confusion. “Puns and possibly cars from Sans. What else? TV shows?”

“OH, METTATON! HE’S MY FAVORITE SEXY RECTANGLE WITH HIS BISHONEN EYES! I STUCK LIMES INTO MY EYES FOR HIM!” Giovanni stared blankly at him. “MOSTLY BECAUSE HE’S POPULAR! I USED A LOT OF HIS PRODUCTS TOO! LIKE THE FASHION BASKETBALLS!” 

“...Robots, yeah, ahem. Soooo…? Anything else? Like, not something you got from some person, monster, else? Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”

Papyrus sweated. “HMMM...DO I REALLY KNOW WHO PAPYRUS IS!? FLOWEY WILL TELL YOU MY FAVORITE GOOD IS OATMEAL WITH THE DINOSAUR EGGS?”

Pause.

“Ok sure! Sweet and cool party, got it. I’ll make cream puffs!”

Sticking his newest creation into the fridge, Papyrus asked, “WHAT’S CREAM PUFFs?”

“You- you’re serious. Dude, do you know what baking is?”

“MY BROTHER AND TORIEL MENTIONED IT.”

“So no. Aw,  _ man _ ! We should search up recipes right now! Every minion of mine deserves a good pastry! Isn’t that right,  _ Reaper _ ?”

Papyrus grinned. “CAN I SHOW OFF MY BLASTER AGAIN?”

The music never started up again.

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Haven’t played undertale and only *recently* started epithet erased  
> Me: Haven’t read a lot of undertale or epithet erased fics  
> Me: *I’mma write a comfort fic cause I can and b/c I love these 2 so much I want more of them so if you reached this far into this mess of a fic I wrote in 2 days with minimal editing and revising, congrats!*


End file.
